Why You Should Be Having an Affair With Your Secretary

So you've been married for ten years, thirty, a hundred, or three. If you're lucky, the dating game was great. It was exciting. You made each other feel happy, sexy, and totally alive. And one or both of you probably spent disproportionately large amounts of time focused on your appearance in order to look good. Those were the days.

The days before familiarity, routine, and going with the motions. Before boredom set in. And, if you're unlucky, the nagging feeling that your life could've amounted to more than "just this."

Of course, enter said secretary and suddenly those feelings of invigoration and excitement for each new (work)day is a welcome replacement for the humdrum of daily just-get-on-with-things.

If having affairs with secretaries isn't your thing (mine neither), then let's focus on something that IS very important to your professional life, that you CAN relate to:

You've had your business for ten years, thirty, a hundred, or three. If you're lucky, your early marketing strategies were great. It was exciting. It made your business sexy to consumers, your bank manager a happy camper, and it made you feel totally alive and on the ball. Those were the days. (If you ever did have them.)

The days before familiarity, routine, and going-with-the-motions in the marketing department. Before boredom set in and glass ceilings were reached. And, if you're unlucky, the crippling fear that your business is never going to amount to more than "just this."

Now, I don't endorse affairs with secretaries, nor have I ever had one with mine. And not because I don't have a secretary.

But I've watched enough late-night drama series during a misspent week of TV to be able to relate it to the problems in an industry I know well.

In marketing, employing an eight-to-fiver who's guaranteed to get their paycheck at the end of the month whether they're keeping the boss's bottom line happy or not (bad pun, that)...it's the stuff marketing divorces are - or should be - made of.

Have you ever met any divorce-inducing, affair-offering secretaries? The ones on TV count, too. They're all the reference I have to go on.

Generally, they put their best (carefully manicured) feet forward in order to get the goods (be it love or diamonds). Until they wreck your marriage and destroy your business, which is two of many reasons why you shouldn't actually be having an affair with your secretary.

Why Your Business Should Be Having an Affair with a Freelance Marketer

Articles tend to cite 'loyalty to the company' as a reason for hiring a full-time employee as opposed to hiring a freelancer. But marketing is not that kind of game. If you want your business to stand at the forefront of your industry - or even just to achieve an increased monthly sales figure - then 'loyalty' (i.e. 'Will they be willing to work for me for the next 300 years?') is not the top quality you should be looking for in a marketer.

Freelance marketers have three weapons in their self-employed arsenal:

1. Their professional reputation
2. The quality of their work
3. The return-on-investment they offer

This means that a freelancer is as loyal as can be to the work that they do and the services that they offer. Without it, they'd be joining the queue at Unemployment Benefits.

A freelance marketer knows that they're only as good as their portfolio and the word-of-mouth that precedes them. Both of which are directly affected by the work they do for your business.

While an employee can get away with murder - and oftentimes will test that theory - a freelancer can't afford to. Not professionally and not financially.

So to work with a freelance marketer, even if just to jumpstart your marketing affairs or to breathe new life into it, is like going on a first date all over again. Except that it's not with your secretary, so you can tell even your grandma how good the food was. And when they're handling your marketing, you can be sure that you'll be getting your money's worth. Because otherwise, there won't be a next time. No second date.

And because you might even tell the whole world how they didn't know which the fish knife was, freelance marketers are the very ones who keep abreast with the latest and greatest in marketing innovation and trends. Employees don't often do that. Not unless they have an appraisal coming up, or they're sent on a (usually expensive) course after your business has been lured by the marketing tactics of the company pocketing the profits to that expensive course.

There's a whole new client base out there just waiting for your business to market to them - the smart way. Just get that freelance marketer in.

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When not apologising to secretaries for bad analogies, Nadja can be found at the other end of your email screen or telephone line, identifying aha! ways in which your marketing can take your business to new heights. And she has the cooking skills to bake your cake and serve it, too.