The #1 Challenge - Too Much Winning!

Dear Friends - This is my very first LinkedIn blog. It is still one of my favorites. This is also one of my favorite videos. Thank you for checking this out! If you like it, please share with your friends.

I was interviewed in the Harvard Business Review and asked a great question, "What is the #1 problem of all of the successful leaders that you have coached over the years?"

My answer, "Winning too much!"

If it is important, we want to win! If it is meaningful we want to win! If it is trivial we want to win! If it is not worth it, we want to win anyway!

Winners love winning! It is incredibly difficult for smart, successful people not to constantly win.

Case Study #1

Let me give you a simple case study that almost all of my clients fail. I will predict that you fail this case study. When I say fail, almost all of my clients fail themselves!

You want to go to dinner t restaurant X. Your wife husband or partner wants to go to dinner at restaurant Y. You have a heated argument. You end up going to restaurant Y. It was not your choice. The food tastes awful and the service is terrible!

Option A - Critique the food. Point out your partner was WRONG. This mistake could have been avoided, if you had only listened to ME.

Option B - Shut up. Eat the stupid food. Try to enjoy it and have a nice evening.

What would I do? What should I do?

Almost all of my clients agree. What would I do - critique the food. What should I do - shut up and have a nice night.

Here is another example of what it looks like to win too much that is much worse!

Case Study #2

You have a hard day at work. You go home. Your husband, wife, friend, or partner is there.

The other person says, “I had such a hard day today…” You don’t let them finish. You interrupt, “You had a hard day! Do you have any idea what I had to put up with today?” We are so competitive we want prove we are even more miserable than the people we live with!

One gentleman in my class exclaimed, "I did that last week!"

I asked him, "What happened?"

He replied, "My wife scowled at me and said, "Honey, you just think you have had a hard day. It is not over!"

Recently, a young man who attended one of my classes emailed me. He wrote that his wife had called him the previous day and told him she had a hard day. He wanted to interrupt her and tell her how her problems paled in significance to his. Instead, remembering the example, he stopped, breathed, listened to his wife, and said, “I love you. Thank you for the sacrifices you make for our family.” On the way home, he bought her a $25 bouquet of flowers. When he got home he gave them to her and told her he loved her. “That was the best $25 I’ve ever spent. Thank you!” he wrote.

The next time you start trying to win and prove you’re right, take a deep breath and ask yourself: Exactly what am I winning? Is it worth it?

Please visit www.MarshallGoldsmith.com to learn about getting mentoring for life in my new 'pay it forward' program!

Triggers is a #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal best-seller! Order it at Amazon. See The Marshall Goldsmith Thinkers50 Video Blog for more of this video series.

Photo: Brian A. Jackson / Shutterstock

Personal photo: Vinod Kumar - Times of India