12 Ways to Heal the Stress Around You

Stress is a constant topic of advice and complaint in modern life, but there’s one issue that gets overlooked: the many ways we add to the stress of others. Dealing with the pressure you feel takes a good deal of time and attention. By the same token, time and attention must be spent relieving the stress you are causing. You can stop spreading stress and actually become a healer of stress.

Sometimes you hear a line that is halfway between a boast and a joke: "I'm not the kind of boss who gets a heart attack. I'm the kind of boss who gives a heart attack." The problem is that so much truth attaches to this. Whenever you are in a dominant position over someone else, either at home or work, you are the boss, even without a formal title. The boss is the one who feels entitled to deliver pressure.

You are creating unnecessary stress if you indulge in the following behaviors:

12 Ways to Create Stress

1. You are demanding, critical, and perfectionist - the perfect recipe for stress.
2. You give erratic orders prone to unpredictable changes.
3. You show disrespect for others workers and/or their work.
4. You create an undignified work environment (e.g., a place where swearing, gossip, and sexual remarks are commonplace).
5. You don't give other people their own space.
6. You pass your own workload to others just because you can.
7. You burden others with personal issues you should deal with yourself.
8. You criticize a subordinate in public.
9. You make personal attacks.
10. You can't be trusted.
11. You indulge in casual betrayals.
12. You devalue another worker's experience and knowledge.

These are more than bad behaviors. They trigger the stress response in other people, which is easily recognized, because they would trigger the same in you if you were on the receiving end. If you believe that a hardboiled attitude, confrontational tactics, and constant pressure are good for productivity, studies in the workplace do not bear you out. The best workplaces give people space, encourage creativity, allow workers to define their own work hours, assign tasks according to a worker's strengths, and create an atmosphere of general respect.

If you don't put much stock in workplace studies, look around you. Are you creating stressful symptoms in others? Here are some signs.

People don't look happy under you. They avoid direct eye contact. They miss work or outright quit. They seem nervous in your presence. The atmosphere grows quiet and tense when you enter a room or give orders. There is silent resistance to giving you what you ask for - you have to ask a second time, and even then there are delays. People under you make excuses, or else they have lost their motivation to perform.

By reversing your stressful behavior, you become a healer of stress.

12 Ways to Heal Stress

1. Back away from being demanding, critical, and perfectionist.
2. Be more consistent and less changeable in what you ask of others.
3. Never show disrespect for other workers or their work.
4. Maintain a dignified work environment (e.g., a place where swearing, gossip, and sexual remarks are not condoned).
5. Give other people their own space.
6. Deal with your own stress instead of passing it down the line.
7. Don’t burden others with your personal issues; keep it professional.
8. Never offer criticism in public.
9. Take a personal interest in others, offering appreciation and praise generously.
10. Be loyal; show that you can be trusted.
11. When someone else is talking, pay attention and then follow through if they need something.
12. Ask for more input from others, showing that you value their experience and knowledge.

It's easy to let the allure of authority blind you to the obvious, and all of these symptoms are obvious. It doesn't matter if you are the CEO of a multinational corporation or a father sitting at the head of the dinner table. Stress is a threat in any relationship, and if you want to earn your position of authority in the eyes of others, it's your responsibility to lead the way in lessening stress, not increasing it.

Deepak Chopra, MD is the author of more than 80 books with twenty-two New York Times. He serves as the founder of The Chopra Foundation and co-founder of The Chopra Center for Wellbeing. Coming soon, The 13th Disciple (Harper One, March 31, 2015)

Hope you enjoy the gift of Day 1 - Success is a Living Reality from the new series, Manifesting True Success.