Strategies for Receiving Critical Feedback

Receiving and interpreting critical feedback is at the very center of growth and development. It’s as necessary to your advancement as is talent and skill.

Critical feedback that evaluates performance according to a given measure for the purpose of influencing or modifying the outcome is a two tier process:

1--- Delivering critical feedback with the objective to inspire and motivate the receiver;

2--- Receiving critical feedback with the objective to understand and integrate the information and to accomplish the needed change.

You’d think that critical feedback would be welcomed by the receiver in order to advance and maximize his or her performance. But it’s the word “critical” that is the source of most people‘s difficulty with feedback because it’s generally understood to mean being severely judged, or being found at fault, or being reprimanded, scolded, lectured, and reduced to being a child in the face of an authority.

I can’t deny that this happens. And when it does it can be humiliating and demoralizing. I’ve been at the butt end and have felt belittled and enraged. But then what to do?

IN order to prepare and protect yourself , the first adjustment essential to make is to decide that no feedback, critical or not, is about you as a person. The cliché is to say---“Don’t take it personally.” When I was much younger I couldn’t’ see how that was possible. But feedback is supposed to be about your performance, an evaluation of your work. I’m aware that it’s difficult to separate your sense of identity from your work performance because with ambitious people their performance is a measure of the application of their talent, experience, and skill. But when who you are and what you do becomes confused and equivalent then your well-being is in jeopardy because you can be thrown off balance by even the slightest disturbance. Then you are perpetually at risk of being destabilized, leaving behind the experience of fear, anxiety, and of feeling out of control.

When you know you are going into a meeting during which critical feedback will be delivered orient yourself so that the feedback is only an evaluation of what you do. If you are doing well expect to hear that. Receive the recognition and use it as a step in your advancement. If you are not doing well expect to hear that and take in the feedback so you can make the necessary changes to improve. However, if you feel you are being abused because you are being personally attacked report this to whoever is responsible for redressing such a situation.

What to Watch for During a Feedback Meeting

1 --- How do you feel:

Are you being respected or not. Watch for how at ease you are during the meeting. Ease and relaxation are sure signs that the feedback will prove productive.

2 --- Are you being set up for success:

Success need not be a mystery. Can you see a clear path to achieving whatever the feedback requires of you? If the feedback is vague or ambiguous ask for clarification. You’re the one who must execute what you’re hearing and that means you are responsible for being sure what to do.

3 --- Are you being listened to:

Are you being taken seriously? You will know if the exchange between you and the person delivering the feedback is a dialogue. That means you input is taken seriously, listened to with respect and curiosity. Your explanation of why your performance was what it was is part of the overall understanding out of which a successful solution can be derived.

4 --- Does the other person have your well-being in mind:

This is an essential point because a true solution cannot be arrived at without both people, the one delivering the feedback and the one receiving, holding the well-being of each other in mind. This is measured by how any solution best serves the vision of the company and of you as a member of the company who must execute to fulfill that vision.

5 --- Assume the other is behaving in good faith:

Critical feedback can be tricky. Because we all feel such hesitancy and even resistance to critical feedback you can go into a meeting without being aware that you are closed off right from the start no matter what you may be telling yourself. One way to protect against unconscious projection is to assume that the other person is operating in good faith until proven otherwise. This will allow you to be open to listen and receive what’s being told to you. This also opens the way for learning. So approach the meeting with a guarded openness and that’s a guard you control

6 --- Feedback must be actionable:

You must be able to DO what you are being told. If not you are just being scolded. If the feedback is truly actionable you are being gifted with what you can do to better your performance and yourself. Your responsibility is to ask and ask again so you understand and can perform the actions that are necessary.

7 --- What do you have to tell the other person:

Because a critical feedback meeting has to be a dialogue there must be room for you to give feedback as well. Otherwise you are a child who must obey and that’s not any good for anyone especially for you as well as the company.

8 --- Praise and recognition is a two-way street:

Praise and recognition go both ways. It’s as incumbent on you to acknowledge the value of the person giving you the feedback as it is for that person to acknowledge you.

Critical feedback can be a gift that builds confidence and self-esteem as well as the opportunity to collaborate with someone toward an end that will benefit you both. Don’t let the thought of feedback keep you away. Open to it and use it to grow yourself and develop a strong center, i.e. your sense of identity that defines your character and serves as the spine of who you are.

What examples of the power of crticial feedback do you have? Please share them.

(Photo Credit: giulia.forsythe, Flickr)

Jim Sniechowski, PhD and his wife Judith Sherven, PhD http://JudithandJim.com have developed a penetrating perspective on people’s resistance to success, which they call The Fear of Being Fabulous. Recognizing the power of unconscious programming to always outweigh conscious desires, they assert that no one is ever failing. They are always succeeding. The question is, at what?

Currently working as consultants on retainer to LinkedIn providing executive coaching, leadership training and consulting as well as working with private clients around the world, they continually prove that when unconscious beliefs are brought to the surface, the barriers to greater success and leadership presence begin to fade away. They call it Overcoming the Fear of Being Fabulous. http://OvercomingtheFearofBeingFabulous.com