Why Givers See Potential and People are Not Caricatures

This year my focus is on asking better and more beautiful questions as inspired by Warren Berger’s book “A More Beautiful Question”. A beautiful question as defined by Warren Berger is as follows:

“A beautiful question is an ambitious yet actionable question that can begin to shift the way we perceive or think about something—and that might serve as a catalyst to bring about change.”

My goal is to become a better questioner in my life in order to learn, connect, be more effective for myself and for others, and most importantly produce results that matter, and, I hope to inspire others to do the same.

Executive Summary:

1. Givers succeed by recognizing potential in others. Givers speak and act with potential in mind which enhances performance.

2. Givers ask questions that facilitate an honest conversation and care about the success of others.

3. Givers know that people are not caricatures with exaggerated traits but, instead, are multifaceted. We should recognize their multifaceted nature and care about the growth of others (and not just see that facets that provide value to us).

The Full Blog:

Chapter 4 of Adam Grant’s book Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success is Finding the Diamond in the Rough, The Fact and Fiction of Recognizing Potential.

The quote at the beginning of the chapter is:

“When we treat man as he is, we make him worse than he is; when we treat him as if he already were what he potentially could be, we make him what she should be.”

-attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German writer, physicist, biologist, and artist

I loved this chapter because I think it is important to treat people as what they could and should be.

Note: If you want a little comic relief on this topic, watch Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd in Trading Places.

Adam Grant writes:

“As with networking and collaboration, when it comes to discovering the potential in others, reciprocity styles shape our approaches and effectiveness. In this chapter, I want to show you how givers succeed by recognizing potential in others.”

Givers Speak and Act With Potential In Mind

In this chapter, Adam Grant describes how both teachers and managers impact the performance of their students and employees simply by the stance they take. Management researcher, Brian McNatt’s, studies demonstrate that interventions can have a large effect on performance. What sort of interventions?

“Recognize the possible power and influence in

(a) having a genuine interest and belief in the potential of their employees … and

(b) engaging in actions that support others and communicate that belief … increasing others’ motivation and effort and helping them achieve that potential.”

How do you have a genuine interest and belief in the potential of employees?

I think you need to ask questions that demonstrate your interest in and care for others but you also need to act in a manner that demonstrates the belief that you care.

Reid Hoffman, co-founder and Executive Chairman of LinkedIn, Ben Casnocha and Chris Yeh have written a new book, The Alliance: Managing Talent in the Networked Age. In a talk with Charlie Rose on The Charlie Rose Show, Reid Hoffman describes the new work relationship as being similar to a “tour of duty” meaning that it is potentially of shorter duration but with a specific mission and a mutual investment; that is employer and employee each invest in the other. What struck me most about this conversation was Reid Hoffman’s focus on the relationship between employer and employee and the importance of investing in the future. He showed a clear concern for and interest in the employee’s long-term growth and gain. He refers to this new definition of work as an alliance, as being mutually beneficial.

Speaking on the concept of a Free Agent Nation, Reid Hoffman says the following:

“The problem is that doesn’t allow for investment in the future, either for the company or for the employee. You need both. You need to have investment. You need to have projects. [Paraphrasing slightly] Typically what happens in Silicon Valley is that you have a four-year vesting package when you start. It is roughly four-years. You will accomplish something really significant in the company. It will be really beneficial to you. It will be really beneficial to us. It is this mission-oriented, realistic time-framed project that creates that mutual investment opportunity.”

This is what is meant by a “tour of duty”. He describes three types of tours of duty including transformational, foundational and rotational. Each duty may be slightly different based on the expectation for your role for the company. Transformational roles are adaptive where you do something transformational for the company and for your career and your work. Foundational roles are about continuity, where a company may become your mission or goal in life. Reid Hoffman contends that most good companies require a combination of transformational and foundational tours in order to maintain a balance between adaptation and continuity. (Note how much balance comes up in these articles). Rotational roles are about scaling.

Givers Ask Questions That Facilitate an Honest Conversation

Another comment of note from Reid Hoffman:

“Actually, I think you should always be recruiting but in terms of retention I think a much better way of retention is having a good relationship.”

In response to Charlie Rose’s question on whether the “new order” puts companies in the driver’s seat, Reid Hoffman says the following:

“I don’t think this changes the balances that already exist. Sometimes the company is in the driver’s seat. Sometimes the employee is in the driver’s seat. I think that what it does is it facilitates an honest conversation. And that honest conversation is the only way you build trust.”

He goes on to describe how, in their very first interview, the LinkedIn head of engineering and operations asks interviewees what job they want after LinkedIn. Reid Hoffman loved this idea and started to do the same.

Why? (Because it is important to ask “why?”.)

“Because it is showing tangibly I care about your career transformation. This will help you transform your career and I care about that. And of course, Kevin (head of engineering and operations) would be delighted if the person worked their whole time at LinkedIn and is transformational at LinkedIn but it is … I care about LinkedIn and I care about you. It’s an alliance.”

Um, sign me up for a tour of duty!

This may be why LinkedIn has been rated as one of the best companies to work for in 2014. I know someone who works at LinkedIn and can say first hand that she always expresses sheer joy with her work. This is definitely her dream job.

Note that in my opinion, this is not a matcher stance (as per givers, takers and matchers as defined by Adam Grant in Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success). A matcher would argue that they get talent for a fixed term and the match is the payment for services rendered. What Reid Hoffman is talking about is undoubtedly a giver stance. Givers recognize the value for all when everyone wins. This is a giver understanding that an investment in that employee will reap dividends above and beyond the contractual terms and services for payment rendered for a fixed period.

As Adam Grant writes:

“Givers don’t wait for signs of potential. Givers are inclined to see the potential in everyone.”

In Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success, Chapter 2 The Peacock and the Panda, Adam Grant highlights Adam Rifkin as a very successful giver. In a wonderful story that demonstrates Adam Rifkin’s style of giving for the sake of giving, a former recipient of Adam Rifkin’s generous nature comes back to help in a big way. But note that when Adam Rifkin helped this fellow out, there was absolutely no way that he could have known that this would be the case down the road. And he did not do his original good deed with any hope of something to gain down the road.

As Adam Rifkin shares with Adam Grant,

“You never know where somebody’s going to end up. It’s not just about building your reputation; it really is about being there for other people.”

But how does Adam Rifkin give to others?

As Adam Grant writes in Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success,

“His secret was deceptively simple: he asked thoughtful questions and listened with remarkable patience.”

Asking thoughtful questions. Listening with remarkable patience. I think these are things we can all do. These are two skills that we can improve upon with a little practice.

It is important to note the following from Adam Grant:

“When favors come with strings attached or implied, the interaction can leave a bad taste, feeling more like a transaction than part of a meaningful relationship.”

I will add that some forms of “repayment” can also make the recipient feel a little less than glowing with warmth. This is often when repayment falls under the “tit for tat” repayment and worse when the “tit for tat” doesn’t really feel balanced.

It is inherent to the DNA of a giver to see potential before it is obvious to others. I know for a fact that givers see potential based on my own personal experience. Alas, takers, on the other hand, are always on the lookout for what is important to them for the taking. What’s the difference? The difference is that if you only look for the obvious from a “what’s in it for me today” perspective, you cannot see potential and what is possible later on – for someone else and maybe for you (but the latter is not what matters). Givers see potential before it is obvious to others. They see the diamond in the rough.

We do need balance in our lives so if you are a giver who is overwhelmed, I recommend Adam Grant’s LinkedIn post on how to say no: 8 Ways to Say No Without Hurting Your Image. Forever the giver, even when Adam Grant is working on saying no, he is still giving.

While I respect so called matching, perhaps we need to think a little more thoughtfully in the realm of social networking for what we ask from others; for example, as above, tit for tat actions can lose their essential value and meaning.

Givers Know that People are Not Caricatures

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good caricature as much as I love a good cartoon or as much as I love humour, generally speaking. But people are not caricatures. To exaggerate one trait to the point of comedy might serve for the sake of humour but it might not serve a desire to develop a deeper and more connected relationship.

In Making Hope Happen, in a chapter titled “The Past is Not a Preview”, Shane Lopez quotes Colin Powell from his book, “It Worked for Me”.

“Always be prepared to change your mind, however firmly made up, when dealing with those infinitely faceted beings we call people” – Colin Powell “It Worked for Me”

Like any beautiful gemstone, we are indeed multifaceted. I like to think of the sparkles that reflect from light as being stars, large and small, that represent different facets of our being. How beautiful to think of infinitely faceted beings.

I started this off with a quote from Adam Grant’s book from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. Note what follows is a description of Goethe as German writer, physicist, biologist, and artist. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe had many talents and was indeed multifaceted. Is that not how we should think of individuals? Should I see the whole or the part that interests me? Well, it depends on whether you define yourself as a giver or not.

I was asked to offer some feedback on a career management project that has led to my working on a personal branding project - a “how to” for personal branding. I think it is important to think of your brand as being composed of several different facets all working together to reflect the unique talent that you are.

I have a friend who thinks of me as creative. Creativity is probably one of my facets. In the past, this friend has referred to my ability to write creatively but most of all, she sees me as creative for my photography skills, which I am also known for. I was, for a long time, her “go to” person for photography. But as I work through a number of questions in life including personal branding, I realize that part of the reason why this is her lens on me is because this is what she values in me.

The truth is that we all have a number of skills that make us the unique talents that we are. Different people may see different things pending what they need from another at any point in time. And it is important for each of us to take responsibility for reflecting the full range of our skills; to highlight the large stars that shine brightly and the smaller stars that balance out and support the larger ones. It is important for each one of us to think about the nature of our personal brands. But we can also take some responsibility for the way we listen to and observe those around us.

More importantly, I want to go back to Reid Hoffman’s description of a honest conversation or questions and answers that help you to define the nature of a relationship and how two parties can be benefit each other mutually. Let’s say that I offer technological know-how, creativity and communication skills but I would like to deepen my knowledge and capabilities in a particular area, say design thinking as a problem-solving methodology. On the other side, a company needs help with what I have to offer but they can invest in me as well. They can help me to grow in areas that are important to me as an extension of what I am doing and offering. This is also known as stretching to reach the next level of mastery.

I want to make a couple of really important points here.

The first is that we should always strive to give. Adam Grant suggests that we can all afford to give five minutes, a technique that Adam Rifkin has perfected. And that might be all it takes to make a referral, a recommendation or to share some knowledge or a quick piece of advice. As an aside, Adam Grant suggests that we set aside time to do this giving in “bunches” because it gives more value to us that way.

One of my favourite quotes is:

"We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace." -Peggy Tabor Millin

So whether you hold the door open for someone or you are buying groceries at the grocery store or you are giving a performance review, there is always an opportunity to engage in that interaction with care.

The following is a quote from Adam Grant’s Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success by Peter Audet, a successful giver in the book:

“Both of these clients are happy and grateful that I think about their whole lives, not just their investments, Peter says. The more I help out, the more successful I become. But I measure success in what it has done for the people around me. That is the real accolade.”

What did Peter Audet do? He put two clients together just because he knew that each would benefit from knowing the other. This has nothing to do with Peter Audet’s job. How did he know? He listened. There is no harm in making a suggestion and there is a potential for tremendous value.

Reid Hoffman says, of a number of elite entrepreneurs and executives including himself, they are always recruiting. This requires a certain kind of listening.

In order to give in a meaningful way, you have to ask thoughtful questions and in order to ask thoughtful questions, you have to care about the difference that you make in other people’s lives, not just for yourself but for them.

Plus ça change, plus ca reste le même. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

As we see in our socially networked world and as per The Alliance: Managing Talent in the Networked Age, relationships are changing in some ways but, perhaps, in fundamental ways, relationships are much what they always were. Reid Hoffman talks about social networks but in the sense of tribes and finding like-minded people. There is an essence in and a value to a relationship that is fundamental and unchangeable when people approach that relationship from the point of view of giving, investment in others and care.

Because this is a quote that is so valuable and that we really need to ponder, I will repeat it here:

"We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace." -Peggy Tabor Millin

Take time to think about your interactions with others and how you can add value to those interactions no matter how light or lengthy the “touch”. Engage in open and honest conversations that involve questioning to learn and to connect in a meaningful way. Notice the many facets of others whether or not they are of interest to you personally because they may be of interest to someone else.

And, not that it should matter, but givers are indeed highly successful.

Takeaways for Action:

Questioning for Learning and Problem-Solving:

Ask thoughtful questions to ensure that you really understand the true nature of the problem that you are trying to solve.

Questioning to Connect to Others:

Ask thoughtful questions and engage in an open, honest and meaningful conversation in order to provide value to others.

Ask yourself what is valuable about someone else and not just what you value in them.

What does a person really care about? What matters most to them? What do they need or want?

Questioning for Personal Mastery:

What can we do to become better givers and engage more meaningfully with others? There is no better resource here than Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success by Adam Grant.

How can I ask more thoughtful questions?

How can I listen more carefully?

For how to balance time and giving, try Greg McKeown’s LinkeIn post How to Get a 10-Minute Time Rebate for Every 5 Minutes You Give.

Suggested Reading List

Questioning:

A More Beautiful Question by Warren Berger

Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling by Edgar H. Schein

Think Like a Freak by Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner

Problem-Solving (“how to” for solving “difficult to solve” problems using design thinking):

Designing for Growth: A Design Thinking Tool Kit for Managers by Jeanne Liedtka and Tim Ogilvie

Solving Problems with Design Thinking: 10 Stories of What Works by Jeanne Liedtka, Andrew King and Kevin Bennett

Change by Design: How Design Thinking Transforms Organizations and Inspires Innovation by Tim Brown

Think Like a Freak by Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner

Or take an upcoming online executive education course

Design Thinking for Innovative Problem Solving: A Step by Step Project Course by Jeanne Liedtka at the Darden School of Business, University of Virginia

Playing to Win: How Strategy Really Works by A.G. Lafley and Roger L. Martin

Design of Business: Why Design Thinking is the Next Competitive Advantage by Roger L. Martin

Seeing What Others Don't: The Remarkable Ways We Gain Insights by Gary Klein

Connection:

Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success by Adam Grant

Personal Mastery:

The Rise: Creativity, the Gift of Failure and the Search for Mastery by Sarah Lewis

Managing Oneself by Peter Drucker

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