How to Leave in Style - The Notice Period is your Time to Shine!

So the big moment has come: you are leaving! Whether it was your decision to move on or whether your employer had to let you go, this moment usually marks the beginning of your notice period.

While employees quite often see this as a relaxed downtime before leaving the building for the last time, it is actually a period with high potential for conflict and frustration! Things can go very wrong, with potentially negative implications for your personal as well as the company's future. In this post I will show you the biggest risks, both for employees and companies, and how to avoid them so that you are able to leave (and live) in peace.

An awkward time - always?

Very often a notice period wins a high point on the awkwardness chart. You may have just told your company that you decided to work somewhere else, and no matter what reasons you gave for your departure, it is likely that your employer will not focus very much on your benefits and look at your situation in an empathetic way. Instead, they are likely to feel disappointed, let down or even personally hurt.

And in case it was not you, but your employer who got you to leave, the emotional landscape most likely won't be any more idyllic: feelings can range from sadness and disappointment to anger and desire for vengeance, and especially the latter two are bad news for everyone.

So is a notice period an awkward time at best, and possibly even a war zone? Maybe. It definitely has the potential to quickly become a lose-lose situation for both sides - but it doesn't have to be. And here is why.

The big no-nos - Employee Perspective

There are a number of things employees are known to do once their notice period started, and for me those are the negative top 3:

• Gloating - You are off to somewhere supposedly better, but no need to rub it in too much. Your colleagues still want to feel good about their jobs, and management will probably see it as provocation.
• Slacking off - Tempting since you feel (and pretty much are) safe, but is it fair on your colleagues? Just because you are leaving does not mean it is ok to simply dump your work on others.
• Disloyalty - You think it would be great to let your clients know you are leaving and tell them why they should probably do the same? Nothing can earn you the management's wrath faster than this. And you would deserve it.

At this point I would like to clarify something: I completely understand the motivation behind each one of the actions I just described, and if you are empathetic you can probably also imagine why some employees would feel this way. Therefore I am not saying that those feelings are not justified - I am saying that you should not act on them. Not necessarily because you fear the consequences (you are, after all, quite safe unless you really step over the line), but simply because you still have something to lose, and that is good relationships with your former colleagues.

In many situations, however, bad behaviour from employees is triggered by management deciding to throw the first stone, which brings me to my next point.

The big no-nos - Management Perspective

Unfortunately there are also plenty of examples of how managers can aggravate the situation by engaging in unpleasant, and often unfair behaviour. Here are some prominent examples:

• Resentment - Some employers take it personally when employees decide to leave, and respond with resentment. This is not only a sign of weakness and lack of professionalism, but can also create an atmosphere of fear within the team.
• Micro-management - Another response which can often be observed is a resort to micro-management. Your employer feels they can no longer trust you to do your best, so they want to control every step you make to ensure you still do your best. This signal of distrust will most likely erode the basis for constructive collaboration.
• Bad communication - This focuses primarily on the announcement of your departure. Are they going to communicate your departure in a fair, hopefully amicable way (assuming you did not steal from the company) - or will they attempt to make it look like you were let go, even if you were not, to keep their pride intact?

Again, I would like to emphasise that, as a fellow human being, I understand the reasoning behind such decisions - but again I also think it is wise not to engage in such behaviour. Not only will you burn bridges with someone who might have left on good terms (there are companies that generate large volume of business through their alumni network), but you may also alienate your remaining team and portray yourself like a vengeful, sore loser.

And this last point - the perception of being a loser - is the big misconception from my point of view, because this could in fact be a win-win situation.

Why the notice period can be a win-win situation

There are, in fact, ways to ensure that the notice period is a positive experience for both sides. The first step is to understand that any actions like the ones described above will most likely trigger a similar reaction, leading to a lose-lose situation.

So even without appealing to someone's ethical values it should be possible to rationally conclude that co-operation is the dominant strategy. We all know that human beings are not fully rational - there is always an element of emotion in our decision making. And yet we should try to be as rational as we could in such a situation, as the potential gains are substantial.

For the employer, it is an opportunity to

1. Demonstrate to the team that they will be treated fairly up to their last day
2. Preserve a good culture instead of engaging into conflict
3. Secure strong relationships with former employees going forward and win new business

At the same time, the employee can aim to

1. Preserve a good relationship to obtain references
2. Secure a future working relationship to generate new business
3. Make a good and professional impression in front of the team

This situation is a tit for tat scenario: a positive action may trigger a positive response, while a negative action will most likely result in a similar reaction. For me, the key question is: Who has a bigger interest in making the first step and initiate a positive sequence?

One possible answer is that it depends on who deals from a position of strength. Does the employee really need to maintain a positive relationship because obtaining those positive references is really crucial? Or is the employer more concerned that critical knowledge would be lost from the organisation in case the handover process is not done properly, because the employee decided to slack off? Depending on who has more to lose, or a bigger incentive to play fair, one party will make the first step.

However, and here we leave the rational arguments, both parties should also have an ethical motivation to treat each other fairly. After all, ending a working relationship does not mean that you have to be at war from now on. It is normal that employees move on at some point, and seeing it as a normal step in someone's professional development is not only fair, but also helps conquer any negative emotions. At the same time, an employee should understand that sometimes things do not work out as planned, and this can mean that they will not be able to stay.

More empathy from both sides, in this situation and in general, would help set the right tone and ensure that a notice period has the potential to let both sides benefit going forward - which is a goal good enough for anyone to pursue!

What are your experiences with leaving a job? Do you have anything else to add? Leave a comment!