How To Deal With A Toxic Boss

I can remember watching classic cartoons such as The Jetsons with my son and was struck by the way in which George Jetson’s boss, Mr. Spacely, was portrayed as having a mercurial temperament. It seemed that he would go from firing his bewildered employee, to promoting him to Vice President then, back to firing him at the drop of the hat.

While some might suggest that this is just a cartoon, what is interesting is that similar portrayals do in fact play out in the real-world workplace every day. Books such as Unstable at The Top, authored by Manfred F.R. Kets de Vries and Danny Miller bring to light the challenges employees face when dealing with what can only be described as a “toxic” boss.

Can you relate to working with the wrath of a toxic boss?

In my own career as a branding specialist and leadership coach I have seen, first-hand, outrageous behavior by those in a position of authority. However, because they brought in the results, senior management just accepted their emotional/erratic/dysfunctional actions.

Toxic Boss Story # 1:

An example that immediately comes to mind was when my client Sue, who was viewed as being a rainmaker, was given the opportunity to jump two levels at another organization. To keep her employed and happy, the President stepped in as her sponsor and got her promoted with the promise she would go up an additional level within six months. Based on such high level intervention, it would seem logical that my client was in the ideal situation in terms of being positioned for long-term success. After all, wouldn't one think that having the support of the President was insurance for a bright future?

Unfortunately, being championed by the President proved to be more of a hindrance than a blessing. The reason for this was because the President’s direct report, John, resented his interference in insisting that this woman be hired and promoted in his department. John resented the President undermining his authority. This was because John had already decided to promote a friend to the position that this so called rainmaker now held.

Suffice to say, John did everything he could to make her life miserable.

Besides bullying her, he found every reason to rob her of her confidence by complaining about her work in front of colleagues. He also claimed that she wasn't mature enough to handle the stress or change that the new position required.

Eventually she got transferred but never recovered from his badmouthing. Her once promising career unfortunately stagnated.

Sadly, and to avoid butting heads with a toxic boss, some employees will opt for job security and accept the consolation prize as the best alternative.

Toxic Boss Story # 2:

Another example of a toxic boss involved a results oriented producer, who was loved by leadership but disliked by anyone not on his team. Politically savvy, this boss hired Eric, a person whom he had befriended.

In his new role, Eric was given the task of being the bad cop so that the boss could look like the good cop. With virtually no support from the boss but certainly lots of pressure, Eric communicated in the same abusive style as that of his “mentor.” Unfortunately, he was outnumbered by his colleagues towards whom his abusive tone was directed, and got nailed. Sadly, and even though Eric adopted a “when in Rome” approach to dealing with a toxic leader, he was ultimately hung out to dry by the very boss he had chosen to emulate.

So what is the answer when confronted with having to deal with a toxic boss on a day in, day out basis?

There are different personality types in terms of difficult bosses. Before we get into these specific personality profiles, there are two critical rules to both remember and follow.

SET A TIME-FRAME AND CREATE YOUR CONTINGENCY PLAY:

If you have a truly bad boss, don’t wait for them to ruin your career before moving on. When considering the length of time that you should stick it out with a toxic boss, keep in mind that the longer you stay in an unhealthy situation, the worse it is likely to become. Once you read the handwriting on the wall, force yourself to be proactive and prepare your resume. You will feel better about yourself if you have a contingency plan. Even if your boss is a great person outside of work, it is how they treat you during the day that reflects the true nature of your relationship.

STAY UNDER THE RADAR SCREEN WHILE YOU ARE IN THE “WAITING ROOM”

While you are in the “waiting room”, i.e. until you make up your mind about leaving, limit your exposure to your toxic boss. Whenever possible, stay under the radar screen to avoid being ridiculed or criticized publicly. Be aware that dysfunctional bosses become confidence robbers if you overstay your welcome and allow their negative feedback to define you. (I speak from experience when I make this suggestion.) This will cost you in credibility with peers and your stakeholders.

The above rules established, let's look at just a couple of the different personality types associated with toxic bosses, and what you can do to effectively deal with them.

FOR THE REASONABLE TOXIC BOSS (who lacks the sensitivity gene):

Create a safe time to speak, when they’re in a good or better (i.e. receptive) mood. Keep a calendar of when they have better times as opposed to moody times. Using diplomacy, ask if you can discuss a situation with them. Avoid using “problem” as defenses go up naturally. Refer to a past incident that you've noticed has happened a few times since. Find a way of saying that “I know you aren't trying to sabotage me but it just feels that way. It makes me feel that I’m really dumb.”

Obviously working together to resolve the differences to get what you both want is optimal with the reasonable toxic boss.

FOR THE TOXIC BOSS (who repetitively steals your thunder):

There is another personality profile that warrants special attention, which is the Toxic Boss Who Steals Your Ideas and just loves the attention.

In a meeting, when they take credit for your ideas and if this keeps happening, it’s your time to say something. Rather than sulk or shut down, you can actually repossess your idea. Simply add information to what they have already said to which they would not have anything else to contribute. By doing this, you avoid confrontation but you also get to reclaim your power.

FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE TO REACH BOSS:

Get yourself out there, not complaining but selling yourself to another department.

When your buttons are being pushed, score your need to bite back from one to five. One to two means totally ignore them. Three – walk away, while either a 4 or a 5 means that you must take action. If your character, credibility or performance are being sabotaged, you must decide that it’s time to go to HR or leave. Any of these circumstances fall into a 4 or 5. If you can laugh it off, then bite your tongue and ride it out until you find another position. Again, always ask yourself what’s the price you will pay in the long run.

Regardless of personality type, here are 5 key tips that will empower you to take back the reigns of your career aspirations whatever they may be.

1. While you do not want be seen as inciting rebellious behavior amongst co-workers or against the corporate culture, you’re probably not alone in your experiences in dealing with a toxic boss. In this regard, it’s important to seek feedback from fellow employees whom you trust (emphasis on the word trust), to confirm that the strain in your relationship with your boss is not limited to an isolated personality conflict but an overall management style.

2. If there appears to be a pattern of behavior on the part of your boss that extends to his or her relationship with other employees, then the next step would be to try and understand why they are compelled to act in a manner that is having a negative impact on those who report to them. As I had indicated earlier, there are some bosses who truly do not know that their behavior is problematic (The Reasonable Toxic Boss), or believes that this is in fact the most effective way to lead or manage people (The Rational Toxic Boss). Regardless of what personality type with whom you are dealing, gaining this much needed perspective will help you to determine the next course of action you can take to resolve issues with the boss.

3. The manner in which you should approach your boss in terms of attempting to have a meaningful and productive dialogue is important. For example, with the Rational Toxic Boss, a conciliatory approach in which you seek his or her guidance on helping to improve relations makes the most sense, while with the Reasonable Toxic Boss merely creating constructive awareness may be the ticket to better days ahead.

4. Depending on how the discussion goes, you can perhaps schedule regular meetings in an effort to ensure that you are through your efforts, helping your boss to achieve their objectives or goals. By establishing a line of communication you can then build a rapport through which both you and your boss can both benefit.

5. Finally, and no matter what happens, “never” as Mark Twain so aptly put it “argue with stupid people,” as “they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” Or to put it another way, and following the edict that two wrongs never make a right, always be both professional and courteous in your interactions with your boss no matter how unreasonable they may become. This rationale will help you to best showcase your true character as well as speak volumes to those watching. You never know who might be watching and, who might be considering another opportunity for you!