Admit It: We Still Hate Failure

I know that we should accept failure. However, in the face of it — you might have difficulty convincing me that it is a good thing. Failure is certainly a fact of work life that we must master. But, we may need to take just a moment to consider it a little more carefully.

What is your gut reaction when you reflect back on a failure or setback? (I'll venture to say that the moment is cringe worthy.) Let's be honest. Failing just doesn't feel good.

This is where I believe the challenge with failure still lies. Our heads understand that failing can be advantageous to our work (read more about that here), but our hearts and emotions haven't entirely followed suit. Intellectually we've accepted that we need to fail on the road to success — but learning how to live with that failure can be problematical.

Somehow we must find a way to calm ourselves and develop the ability to process failure more effectively. In many cases, I find that my role is to help individuals and organizations move through experienced setbacks and problems. This often involves dealing with the emotional remnants (and fear) that develop when things simply don't go as planned.

Failure may be necessary — but, digesting it isn't easy. A few things to try:

• Alter our associations. We define failure negatively — when it actually holds positive outcomes. Researchers routinely experience a great number of dead ends and disappointments on their way to a breakthrough. We should attempt to "unlearn" our typical view of failure — including labeling a misstep as the "end point". A less than positive result can often lead to a worthy alternative path.
• Make perfection the enemy. We tend to equate perfection with success — and this can prove to be quite destructive. Highly creative organizations, such as Pixar encourage sharing an idea before it is perfected, allowing others the opportunity to "improve" it.
• Re-frame your emotions. Research has shown that how you view a discovered obstacle is every bit important as the problem itself. Attempting to extract a positive piece from a failure, no matter how small, is critical.
• Use humor. Attempting to disarm negative emotions with humor is highly advantageous in times of stress. If you can see the humor in a failure or setback (give it a bit of time) — it's a solid start in the direction of recovery..
• Bolster fortitude. It has been shown that "grit" — the ability to stick with a task and focus on long-term goals, is key to dealing with failure. Take a break to re-gain energy and persevere.
• Look at history. We often focus on the success of others, but forget that their journey included many twists and turns. Highly productive individuals such as Richard Branson practice methods to master the emotional side of the failing, including banishing embarrassment and dwelling on regrets.
• Take another perspective. You have likely convinced others, that a setback should not deter them from trying another route. Think of your situation. What advice would you offer them?

How do you deal with a failure? What are your strategies to help you recover and move forward?

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist, consultant and speaker. She also writes The Office Blend.