Lady Mary, Would You Please Pass the Salt and Pepper?
A few years ago, literally think Nixon or Ford, a wise man said, "Always interview someone over food. You can tell so much about the person that is not evident in the office."
He meant that with lunch and the breaking of bread, people open up. You get a glimpse of their spirit, a spirit you will have to live with each and every working day.
If you can get past their table manners.
Memo to all seeking gainful employment: Nothing kills the wine-and-dine interview like not knowing where the knife goes after you cut into the expense account New York strip steak. Do you mash peas with your knife?
I have personally seen too many qualified and unfortunate people that will never get ahead because, for whatever reason, they never learned the basics of fork, fork, knife, spoon, spoon.
I can already feel the hate e-mails launched my way over this effete, elitest malarkey. Well malarkey this (It's my inner Joe Biden).
No one needs to get LinkedIn to Downton Abbey manners. Your job search doesn't include Violet Crawley, Dowager Countess of Grantham.
More likely, it is a harried 70-hour a week executive who just wants to know you won't embarrass her and the company when Big Prospective Client insists Big Fancy Steak House is in your evening plans.
Five Modest Tips to get you on the edge of young Matthew Crawley:
Put the napkin in your lap. I'm not kidding. It's the first thing you should do and then use it at appropriate moments throughout the festivities.
Learn two basic ways to attack say, the smoked trout or the venison. There is in a broad sense English and French styles of eating. (Go to the Web for a smarter discourse on this.) Eating only English will cause one of your friends to throw a roll at you. Eating only French style is fine but you really need to switch over to a genteel English fork-in-right-hand to have your table manners be what you want...unobtrusive.
Don't put the knife in your mouth. I'm not kidding. This is totally normal in some continental societies. Not a job-starter in selected LinkedIn economies.
Speaking of rolls, the bread plate has a certain code unto its own. A basic fail-safe rule is don't pick up the bread to butter it. And while I'm at it pass the spices together.
Watch what other people do. I'm not kidding. I have seen the young-exec crew turn their elbows-on-the-table disaster around in three dinners just by learning a few basic things and watching how people eat unobtrusively. (The French rest their poignets on the table not their coudes.)
Enough. Maybe you won't get the job. Don't let it be because of your table manners. Lady Mary, would you please pass the salt and pepper? Discuss.
Private Estate Management / Private Chef
11yTrue. No elbows on the table. Funny, once we took a friend's brother to the country club for lunch. He loved boiled shrimp. However, this boiled shrimp was NOT peeled. He ate it with the shell on. He could have avoided much embarrassment by watching for a while until someone else ate some, and then follow suit. If in doubt...wait...the answer will come to you.
Coach, Facilitator, Speaker, Writer & Community Evangelist. DRIVEN to create 21st Century Workplaces of Inclusion and Psychological Safety
11yExcellent article! What we at Goldie's Table Matters call Strategic Dining focuses on eliminating the second guessing at the table so a diner can concentrate on the goal of the business meal- which is engaging in conversation. Two strategies to add to the list: order one handed dishes- like omelets, quiche, meatloaf, ravioli... and keep pace with the others at the table while eating. It's awkward to have finished your food while others are 1/2 way thru, and if others have finished and you are just beginning to dig in, the result is all eyes on you. And please, if you're in an interview or with a potential client, do NOT ask for a doggie bag!
Expertise in higher education strategies to address needs of low-income, underrepresented, and first generation students
11yThis is a great article, and so on point. These days, it is often difficult to avoid the need to share a meal with a prospective boss or hiring decision maker... But, of all the job interview scenarios I have experienced, I have to say that meeting over a meal is one of the most uncomfortable for me. You are expected to talk, but remember never to speak with your mouth full! You are expected to keep up with the pace of others' eating, and swim ahead through the courses to their tempo, but of course, you are so pent up concentrating and trying to talk with your mouth not full, that you will invariably fall behind, and then your host inevitably asks, "Aren't you eating?" or "Aren't you hungry?" And then, of course, there is the question of desert. Do you or don't you? Is it okay to decline when you really don't want desert, when others around the table are ready to go for it? Of course, I am being facetious, but I so prefer to skip the eating scenario!
Engineer. Project Manager. Karate Student and Teacher. Photographer. Book Reviewer. Woodworker. Getting Things Done(R).
11yIf you take the time to cultivate good manners, it means you care enough about other people to put yourself out a bit. It is a vivid indicator of your mindset.